From the moments of my wechat.

Every girl has a "princess dream", so do I. Though I am no longer at that age to be called a girl, as a female, I also have that dream. Maybe, it's not that realistic, while I still want to grab that slightest hope. As I grow older, I gradually find it a headache to be single. Pressures from family, relatives, friends, colleagues make me so uncomfortable, sometimes even humiliated. I hate to be called "leftover woman". I hate to hear others say "if you don't hurry to find someone get married, nobody would choose you when you get old". Am I really become the unwanted one?

Recently, from the moments of my wechat, I see several friends post their marriage certificate in a very sudden which really astonishes me, and some others also post their babies' photos. Honestly, I feel so happy for them, while on the other hand, I feel so ashamed and sad for myself. Each time I see those things, I would have great sense of panic. Those push me to think about my present status. Though not born in a rich family, my parents cultivated me to have very good quality and become a very considerate person. If asked to say some characters about myself, I would use these words: tough, good-hearted, optimistic, polite, independent, caring, understandable, and a little good-looking, haha. Compared with other female peers, I would have more rough life experiences, and those compelled me to be more mature. Just because of these, I never let my parents worry or let them down, and always the pride of my family. Here I don't want to talk about the past hardness, efforts, sweats or tears, whatever, I finally get a job in a state-owned enterprise all on my own. In others' eyes, it's the right time for me to find someone and get married, while, actually I'm not ready.

For the present, I don't meet a satisfied guy, and I also think now I am not qualified to meet a better one. I once asked myself, if that man appears, could you stand next to him confidently? Of course, it's a negative answer. Though my relatives and my friends all think I am a rather good person, I know exactly my tough experiences and hardworking stories would not be cared too much about. Others may also pay more attention to family background, appearance, words and deeds, interests or work. So if I were a man, I would not choose the present myself as the other part. I really have so many things to learn and improve. Because I come from Heilongjiang province, so I am a very typical northeasterner, and I'm also born with those well-known distinct merits that most northeasterner have. My friends often warn me to be more tender and focus more on how to dress elegantly and beautifully. Yeah, now I finally figure it out, I should take their advice, because appearance can really reflect one's spiritual and physical status to a great extent. I bet nobody could make it not to care about the appearance, if there are, they must be lying. Another aspect I want to improve is about self-confidence and courage. As a country girl, more or less, I would feel self-abased. For some certain time, I constantly thought it was the inexpensive clothes that I wear made me inferior and unconfident, while after several tries, I found that, indeed, it was for other reasons. Actually, one's real confidence lies in whether you could do well in some field or if you have something that you're proud of. So now I insist exercising and keeping good shape, insist improving English, insist forming good habits, insist trying new things and cultivating new interests, besides, I am trying to become more talkative, to become more knowledgeable and to become more capable. Whether the things I am doing is right or not, I really don't know, I only know they would definitely make me a better person and help me live more positively and confidently.

As for what kind of person I want to meet, I think, he should be capable, ambitious, clever, generous and caring, and we should have similar hobbies, values and goals, more importantly, he should have his own mind and have enough ability to handle kinds of family problems. Certainly, these points I've mentioned sound very virtual, but I really hope he could have such merits.

Each time I hear others tell their romantic stories, I would admire very much, and because of them, I still choose to believe in love and look forward to a long-lasting love. It's very hard to say whether I could meet my Mr.Right in my limited life, I would still rather remain single than marry someone in a hurry. It's deserved to be a long journey, whatever, I hope my dream could come true, that is I could really meet that very person when I become a better person, and stand next to him confidently and happily, being the most perfectly match in the world.

Today I was blamed by my mentor

I felt so sad today,because I was blamed by my mentor. I was so heartbreaking as if all my efforts that I had done were ruined thoroughly. I have mentioned here before that the staff in my office always asked me to do this and to do that.Their tasks occupied most of my time and severely distracted me from my own study. I have sacrificed so much to compensate for my missed study,but their overloaded work made me unable to accomplish my own work even though I worked until very late every day. I worked so hard,but sometimes I also felt tired, so my work efficiency is not high enough. My mentor had asked me to do something,but I failed just because of the endless work given by other staff. My mentor didn't know what I I was doing everyday,just thought I was done my own work such as studying and doing experiments. He didn't know the staff under his charge regarded me as their secretary. So today when he asked me what I had done these days,I really felt embarrassed to say. Struggling for some while,I decided to speak out the truth. He was a little shocked, he hadn't expected that his staff could let me do those many work. I felt so wronged.While my mentor's sympathy did not last long.He talked with me in a blaming tone. That feeling makes me worse as if all the work I had done is useless and meaningless. So far,my own work didn't achieve great advancement,I am aimless and overwhelmed again. What should I do? My mentor is the leader of our team, he just  has a short conversation with me occasionally when he accomplished all his work.Sincerely speaking, my current bad performance is not my own fault, being in such circumstance,what can I do?Do I have any other choice? Do I have the right to say no? The fact is I am just a student,an incapable student,what I can do is to endure because all my efforts have been taken for granted.They would not have sympathy for me even the tasks are hard,time-consuming and energy-consuming,in their eyes I am just an inexpensive labor. I don't need others's sympathy,because I know the society is so.